


Permanent Redirect

by GingerIsTheCat



Category: IT Crowd
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 19:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12689139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerIsTheCat/pseuds/GingerIsTheCat
Summary: After Moss breaches a subject which has been brewing under the surface for months, the floodgates open as Jen and Roy struggle to make sense of their feelings for each other.Some language. Originally posted by me on fanfiction.net





	Permanent Redirect

Jen and Roy both lay flopped across the old couch, head to head.

“Oh, I’m so depressed. None of my love interests ever work out” Jen bemoaned, her arm hanging limply over the edge.

“Me either. They always leave me” lamented Roy.

Jen let out a distant sad chuckle, “Heh! Funny, I always leave them.”

“I don’t know what to do. It seems like I’ve dated every woman in the building”, Roy said.

“Why can’t I find a nice unattached man who I can have a real relationship with?” Jen went on, caught up in her own line of thought.

“Why can’t I find a woman who will put up with me?” Roy asked.

At this instant, Moss walked into the room “I have a solution”, he stated.

Jen and Roy both sat up to look up at him over the couch in surprise, not sure how much he had heard.

“What?” they both asked in unison.

“Date each other.” Moss announced simply, as if it were obvious.

“What!?”, they both cried.

“Moss,” Roy began cautiously after a pause, “I can’t date Jen! She’s my boss!” he objected.

Jen picked up this thought and continued with it “And he’s my employee. It would be -”

“Uncomfortable. I know, I feel the same way about romantic relationships” Moss interrupted, finishing her sentence for her.

“Unprofessional.” Jen corrected.

“Thanks a lot, Moss. Are you saying that I make my dates uncomfortable?”, asked Roy.

“No, I’m saying that dating in general is uncomfortable, in my experience.”, Moss replied.

“When have you ever been on a date?” Roy demanded.

“It was in a video game, Roy. A lovely lady named Lolita. We had a load of laughs, but I finally had to end it.” Moss looked off in the distance seriously as he spoke in fond reminiscence.  
“Was this Grand Theft Auto?” Roy asked.

“The same.” answered Moss.

“What does this have to do with our love life?” Jen interjected impatiently.

Moss facepalmed himself as if he had been an idiot. “Oh, so you’ve already beat me to the idea”, he stated with innocuous amusement. “When I heard you complaining, I assumed you hadn’t gotten together yet” he stated.

“What? No!” Jen said in alarm.

“You did say OUR love life”, Roy pointed out, obviously bemused at her blunder.

“No I didn’t. There are no romantic undercurrents here.” Jen objected, waving her hands pointedly about their general situation.

“I agree. Moss, that’s ridiculous” Roy informed his friend firmly.

“Why is it ridiculous?” Jen suddenly retorted, feeling strangely taken off guard and unsettled by the matter of fact statement Roy had made in such an offhand way.

“Well, you know -” Roy started.

“No, what? Am I too posh for you? Is that it?” Jen demanded.

Roy looked terrified at this sudden turn in the exchange and quickly backtracked “No, no, not at all! It’s just that - you’re my boss. Like we said before.” he said reassuringly.

Jen was not convinced. “Well then, I command you to take me out.” she said crossing her arms ands stealing her gaze.

“Jen, be reasonable.” Roy whined.

“No, I just realized that there’s absolutely no reason that you shouldn’t want to take me out, except that I’m your superior. You’ve taken every other woman in the building out but me.” she said.

“I’ve technically taken you out before.” Roy said.

“Girls night doesn’t count” said Jen.

“What about the time I -” Roy started.  
“No.”

Roy relented. “Fine, I’ll take you down to the pub for a burger.” he said.

“Is that what you normally do with your dates?” Jen asked.

“Well, no, usually we end up -” Roy began tentatively.

“Nevermind, I don’t want to hear the details. Just take me somewhere classy.”, said Jen quickly.

“Fine, somewhere classy. How about my mother’s?” said Roy.

“Your mother’s? Why would you take me to your mother's?” asked Jen.

“Well, you know. I have to visit her, and she likes me to have a date.” he lilted matter-of-factly, as if explaining a minor bother.

“Why?” Jen asked worriedly.

“So she can look forward to grandchildren” he continued.

“What! No no no!” she said waving her finger “This is going way too far.”

“See, this is why I knew dating my boss would be a bad idea” Roy grumbled.

“You have it all backwards!” Jen exclaimed in exasperation.

“Oh come on,” Moss cut back into the conversation, “it’s not like it’s that big of a leap from your current state of affairs. Take a normal cozy movie night, take me out of the equation, and you have a date!”

“Sounds simple enough” Jen deferred quietly with a thoughtful toss of her head.

There was a pause in the room.

“This is ludicrous” Roy stated decidedly, breaking the silence.

“Why can’t you just take me out on a normal date?!” Jen cried.

“We have different ideas of normal” Roy shot back.

“You two are over-complicating everything!” observed Moss.

“It’s a complicated relationship, Moss.” replied Roy.

Jen had had enough. “Quiet, both of you!” she shouted before calming down and turning to Roy. “Roy, I care too much about our relationship to waste it on a cheap date” she stated to him honestly.

“I agree” Roy concurred.

“So we have to find out how we really feel about each other.” Jen continued.

“What?” squeaked Roy in confusion.

“And the only way to do that, is to kiss each other” said Jen.

“What are you talking about” asked Roy.

“It’s been heating up” said Moss.

“Moss” Jen shot him a look before going on. “Can’t you see it, Roy?” she said looking up questioningly at him with earnest hope. “The subtle flirtation”.

“I didn’t notice any flirtations” Roy lied in a high pitched voice.

“That’s right you didn’t. Whenever I dressed up nice and smiled you just eyed my bum.” scolded Jen.

“You noticed that?” Roy squeaked in horror.

Jen sighed in exasperation. “Come on Roy, tell me you don’t want to kiss me?”she asked.

“Yes, tell her Roy.” Moss prompted as he crossed his arms with just a hint of a satisfied smile, in a voice that Roy thought was a bit too smug.

“You, hush” he shot at Moss.

Moss went on anyway. “But it should be after the date. I could plan one, if you like” he declared confidently, making Roy wonder how just how long he had been planning this.

Still Roy felt relieved at the offer “Would you Moss?” he asked gratefully “Because frankly, this is getting kind of terrifying”.

“I would be my pleasure, Roy” Moss replied proudly.

Jen began to feel a little uneasy at the life the whole matter was taking on. So she took a deep breath and decided to halt it at this point in order to clarify things. “Look, Roy” she said in a forced jovial tone “This shouldn’t even be a big deal - she said as she shrugged. “unless you actually-” she stopped uncertainly “ - feel something for me”.

“What? Me? No no. This is just a weird experiment, right” he faked a chuckle before his face fell into seriousness “Do you - ?” he asked hesitantly.

“Nooo... no.” Jen emphasized, now in full denial mode. “Of course not. I mean, look at you! Haha. You’re not my type.”

“You mean I’m not a sleazebag?” Roy shot back flatly.

“Now, I wouldn’t go that far” Jen countered.

“Whoa, you two. Save it for the honeymoon.” said Moss, obviously greatly entertained by their banter.

“We’re not going to have a honeymoon!” Roy exclaimed in frustration  
.  
“Why not?” asked Jen absentmindedly.

“Because we'd have to get married first!” said Roy.

Jen fully roused herself from her thoughts and turned to him “Well we s[end enough time together, we might as well be” she mused pensively.

“Is that all this is to you, convenience?” Roy demanded in shock.

“Do I get to plan a wedding now? Oh boy!” Moss exclaimed.

TBC.....

**Author's Note:**

> NOT THE END
> 
> So, I'm just typing this out again from where it's posted https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12012516/1/Permanent-Redirect (it won't let me copy and past, and I don't seem to have it typed out in a file. Probably stowed away on some notepad file somewhere). I can't finish it tonight, but you can read the rest there if you want (I actually prefer it without all the descriptions, but then I already have a pretty vivid picture of it all playing out in my head). Please tell me what you think. I actually have more ideas for IT Crowd stories, and one that I've already started on.


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